That Time My Mom Succumbed to Bribery
The first time my mother ever bribed me (that time-tested and true parenting technique), I was around five years old.
We were in the midst of a church talent contest, and I – mere moments from going on stage in tutu and tights – had just refused to entertain the congregation waiting in the Gower High School gym. It didn’t matter that I had been dancing for old people in nursing homes for a couple of years at that point; it wasn’t stage fright. It also didn’t matter that I was a natural-born show off for adoring adults. It didn’t even matter that I was wearing the cutest little outfit – inexplicably, I refused to perform like some kind of dancing penguin.
Mom spent a good five minutes coaxing me to go on stage as the act before us wound down (I believe it was Mrs. Gerald Edgerton warbling a tune straight out of an early Hollywood talkie). I stubbornly refused. Mom then spent some additional time threatening me; no dice. She offered me some gum, my usual go-to treat. Not happening. She leveraged “Frank,” the man she was married to…my father. Not even Daddy could get me to budge. Finally, she pulled out the one thing that usually worked: the promise of a new toy.
So five minutes later, my babysitter Tricia stood on stage with me as I shyly tippy-tapped my way through “Animal Crackers in My Soup”. Please to enjoy this retrospective of my dancing career.